Pink, Pink – YOU STINK.

Yes, I just pulled out a third grade slam… but it made you look, didn’t i? That being said, don’t gloss over this short, albeit important post. This is a top ten issue when working with other practitioners, and another of my pet peeves.

If you want to be successful, then you’re going to have to become acutely aware of your ability to invade the personal bubble space of others with your aura. And I’m not just talking about BO and bad breath here. The “good” smells can be an issue as well.

One of the great human abilities is to acclimatize to everything around us; and one of those areas we quickly become immune to is odor, or for some of you out there, your STINK.

But just because we get used to the bean and bacon soup of our pit smell; doesn’t mean that others walking into our sphere of influence are so lucky.

To be clear for any of you as of yet un-sexed chemistry geeks out there, I’m not going for the science of wreak here, just the make-sense facts: there are FOUR basic types of stink.

#1) Things that you think stink, and other’s agree with you.

This should be an easy one. Dog shit? Vomit? A four day old egg salad and onion sandwich on white bread sitting on a well sunlit counter in a poorly ventilated room? Baby poo?

I think we can all agree, poo smells are the worst.

#2) Things that you think smell great and other’s think smell good too.

This is our happy medium. It’s where we strive to be… or at least what we should strive for. But this is also the caution area; just a little dab extra can turn “that smells nice”, to “did you just shit yourself?”

The other caution here is that many scent altering agents are also allergens. So while you are not being offensive nasally, your patient is probably more concerned with their urgent need for a shot of epinephrine.

#3) Things you think smell great, and everyone else thinks smells like you’re trying to hide something.

Petula oil, for instance.

Yes, I know. There’s really no win here. Most of the time the people using this pungent juice from the ass of a yak are doing the rest of us a favor by covering up the smells of rotting flesh, their unwashed bunger, or the nasty mange they smoke for fun. Still, an epic FAIL.

And let’s not just pick on the hippy stoners here. We can throw into this list an assortment of “cover-ups”. Things such as perfume and body lotions, flowery soaps, scented candles and those seemingly ubiquitous Glade plug-ins all serve to do one thing: raise the red flag of “where’s that smell coming from.”

#4) Things everyone else but you is aware of.

Oh yeah… this is where the real issue is. Smokers? You fuckers stink. No getting around it. And super convenient for you that your sense of smell is the first thing to go!

And you, with the chunks of egg and sausage crusted between your teeth… that green haze that billows out of your mouth when you’re talking to people is an issue. As is the pit-stained and oh-so-spectacular-smelling scrubs or lab coat you haven’t washed in six months. And while we’re at it, NO ONE should think you have a piece of fresh poop on yourself after leaving the bathroom.

Look, you don’t have to be the epitome of health to dole out medical treatment, but you at least need to act like you CARE. It just makes you seem, well, less disgusting and more likeable.

This isn’t rocket science kids, but it does take a little time and effort. With just a few moments of time before starting your day, or returning after lunch, and some super simple, personal hygiene steps that everyone learned in kindergarten you can alleviate a major source of patient complaints, and keep your professional standards something to be proud of.

The fix

Because it’s not always obvious, here’s my list of personal hygiene musts.

• Brush your teeth. It’s rude to talk to people with chunks of food and cat droppings in your teeth. Keep an extra brush and paste at your office or in your bag and use it. There is ZERO excuse for this one past the second grade!
• Bathe daily, or at least on days you treat patients.
• Keep your nails neat and clean. It doesn’t make you gay to get a manicure. If you touch people with your hands you need to take care of your tools.
• Keep baby wipes at your office. Look folks, the honest truth here is wiping your butt with wads of paper is like shoveling dog crap off your lawn… you still need to hose away the remnants. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little Huggie action to clean up after your afternoon constitutional.
• Stock up on actual soap, not just antibacterial hand soap. Particularly for you smokers. Nothing says “I respect you as a person” like a nice once over of the face and hands with a bar of soap.
• Do your laundry, or take your shit to the cleaners. I get it, you’re a busy doc. Great. You can afford to not look like a cheap bag of crap. If you don’t want to clean your shirts, blouses or lab coats I’m sure there’s a local dry cleaner you could frequent.

Here ends the lesson.

Yes, I just pulled out a third grade slam… but it made you look, didn’t i? That being said, don’t gloss over this short, albeit important post. This is a top ten issue when working with other practitioners, and another of my pet peeves.

If you want to be successful, then you’re going to have to become acutely aware of your ability to invade the personal bubble space of others with your aura. And I’m not just talking about BO and bad breath here. The “good” smells can be an issue as well.

One of the great human abilities is to acclimatize to everything around us; and one of those areas we quickly become immune to is odor, or for some of you out there, your STINK.

But just because we get used to the bean and bacon soup of our pit smell; doesn’t mean that others walking into our sphere of influence are so lucky.

To be clear for any of you as of yet un-sexed chemistry geeks out there, I’m not going for the science of wreak here, just the make-sense facts: there are FOUR basic types of stink.

#1) Things that you think stink, and other’s agree with you.

This should be an easy one. Dog shit? Vomit? A four day old egg salad and onion sandwich on white bread sitting on a well sunlit counter in a poorly ventilated room? Baby poo?

I think we can all agree, poo smells are the worst.

#2) Things that you think smell great and other’s think smell good too.

This is our happy medium. It’s where we strive to be… or at least what we should strive for. But this is also the caution area; just a little dab extra can turn “that smells nice”, to “did you just shit yourself?”

The other caution here is that many scent altering agents are also allergens. So while you are not being offensive nasally, your patient is probably more concerned with their urgent need for a shot of epinephrine.

#3) Things you think smell great, and everyone else thinks smells like you’re trying to hide something.

Petula oil, for instance.

Yes, I know. There’s really no win here. Most of the time the people using this pungent juice from the ass of a yak are doing the rest of us a favor by covering up the smells of rotting flesh, their unwashed bunger, or the nasty mange they smoke for fun. Still, an epic FAIL.

And let’s not just pick on the hippy stoners here. We can throw into this list an assortment of “cover-ups”. Things such as perfume and body lotions, flowery soaps, scented candles and those seemingly ubiquitous Glade plug-ins all serve to do one thing: raise the red flag of “where’s that smell coming from.”

#4) Things everyone else but you is aware of.

Oh yeah… this is where the real issue is. Smokers? You fuckers stink. No getting around it. And super convenient for you that your sense of smell is the first thing to go!

And you, with the chunks of egg and sausage crusted between your teeth… that green haze that billows out of your mouth when you’re talking to people is an issue. As is the pit-stained and oh-so-spectacular-smelling scrubs or lab coat you haven’t washed in six months. And while we’re at it, NO ONE should think you have a piece of fresh poop on yourself after leaving the bathroom.

Look, you don’t have to be the epitome of health to dole out medical treatment, but you at least need to act like you CARE. It just makes you seem, well, less disgusting and more likeable.

This isn’t rocket science kids, but it does take a little time and effort. With just a few moments of time before starting your day, or returning after lunch, and some super simple, personal hygiene steps that everyone learned in kindergarten you can alleviate a major source of patient complaints, and keep your professional standards something to be proud of.

The fix

Because it’s not always obvious, here’s my list of personal hygiene musts.

• Brush your teeth. It’s rude to talk to people with chunks of food and cat droppings in your teeth. Keep an extra brush and paste at your office or in your bag and use it. There is ZERO excuse for this one past the second grade!
• Bathe daily, or at least on days you treat patients.
• Keep your nails neat and clean. It doesn’t make you gay to get a manicure. If you touch people with your hands you need to take care of your tools.
• Keep baby wipes at your office. Look folks, the honest truth here is wiping your butt with wads of paper is like shoveling dog crap off your lawn… you still need to hose away the remnants. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little Huggie action to clean up after your afternoon constitutional.
• Stock up on actual soap, not just antibacterial hand soap. Particularly for you smokers. Nothing says “I respect you as a person” like a nice once over of the face and hands with a bar of soap.
• Do your laundry, or take your shit to the cleaners. I get it, you’re a busy doc. Great. You can afford to not look like a cheap bag of crap. If you don’t want to clean your shirts, blouses or lab coats I’m sure there’s a local dry cleaner you could frequent.

Here ends the lesson.

Originally created for ericsays.com: September 13, 2011