In Other Words, It Makes You a Cheap Whore.

“[It] undermines our credibility.”

Stings a bit, doesn’t it? Although not quite as punchy as my version, they really say the same thing.

These are the words stemming from the newest in an onslaught of cases brought forth against mega-advertiser Groupon.

“The question is, what do schemes such as Groupon, where we would join restaurants, nail parlors and tanning salons…do to our credibility and how the public perceives us?” Arn Strasser, DC, wrote to the Oregon Board of Chiropractic Examiners. “In my opinion, offering discounted services in a fee-splitting arrangement with companies such as Groupon undermines our credibility.”

Apparently it’s not just my opinion that shit like this is demeaning to a professional medical relationship, and damaging to a customer’s perceived value of the business of any sort.

There are two factors at play here. And maybe I should use a larger font in explaining this for the people who got to my site through Living Social.

First and foremost, let’s talk business basics so we don’t lose half our audience immediately.

When you discount your products and services you teach your consumer base to dis-count your services and products!

Don’t believe me? Ever seen a sale at the Gap? Most people who show up are not regular shoppers. They are browsers who stop in every so often, and only look for an item, stare at the price and think, “Meh… I’ll wait until it goes on sale.”

And man, when that sale hits the place is packed. Why? Because they have taught the general public that the items they carry are really worth something less than what they sell them for on a regular basis.

How about something a little closer to home for the small business owners and medical professionals out there?

Massage therapist in Denver… cute and talented, but a crap marketing person. Sets up her space and sits alone for a few months, with maybe a few clients here and there to break up the monotony. So she decides to run a local ad and communicating with docs in the area about her special price of $55 for an hour, with the regular price being stated as $70.

People start to trickle in. Being the suddenly wise marketer, she tells her new clients to offer their friends the same price. More people show up, she has finally made it.

Except no, she hasn’t. Not unless she kept running her “deal”. In fact, each time she attempted to return to the regular $70 price her clients would abandon ship to their previous therapists, most at the same rate, if not higher.

The problem is, once you become a discount business, then that’s the value people will assign you. It doesn’t matter if you are better or cheaper than the person down the block. What matters now is you are no longer a bargain: the price of your services does not match the value you have taught people to have. Basically, you’re not worth it.

Now, let’s get raw for the medical professionals out there. You know why you shouldn’t participate in things like Groupon, or Living Social? Simple: you’re a fucking medical practitioner.

You ever open the Sunday paper and think, “Gee, if only I could find a coupon for a two for one oncologist”? No?

Or would you be likely to go see the urologist giving the half-off vasectomy special? Doubtful.

However, maybe you said yes. In that case, and if you really mean it, then please, in the name of all that is holy… stop practicing medicine. You are making a mockery of it.

Look, I get it that you’re not as busy as you’d like to be, but there are a million other things that are probably going wrong for that to be the case. So from my heart to your ears, if you want to offer discount crap buy a pawn shop, a second hand store or maybe consider opening a brothel.

The reality is this: the only people using Groupon to find you are the ones who would never pay whole rate for your services anyway. You haven’t done anything except make yourself cheap, and give Groupon 50% of your hard earned cash.

Enjoy the donuts!

Originally created for ericsays.com: September 16, 2011